


Catching Stars Like Snowflakes

by TheShippingGhost



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, I promise it wont be all angst, M/M, Past Character Death, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Trigger Warnings, be careful
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-17
Updated: 2015-03-24
Packaged: 2018-03-01 20:49:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2787293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheShippingGhost/pseuds/TheShippingGhost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Now we catch the stars like snowflakes.<br/>In our shaking palms, we find new light.<br/>The ocean is in your eyes, I look to them to find I am awake.<br/>As long you're here, we'll be alright."</p><p>Flying is sort of like falling if you don't think about it. Falling seems to be easier, too. There's always an end in sight, even if you don't open your eyes, because you know that something will be there to catch you, whether it be the ground, or a flying man.<br/>Eren's life was flipped upside down after the death of his sister. He decided  on a whim it would be better if it were over. He didn't expect to be caught by something that wasn't gravity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sickening Defeat

 

Eren always thought flying would be harder, but all it took was a small step and he was just suddenly going down. Maybe, I should rephrase. He wasn’t exactly flying, it was more like falling, but it felt like he had wings. It was hard to ignore the ground that was inching closer to his very being, but if he closed his eyes tight enough, all he could feel was the wind’s resistance pressing against his skin.

He could barely remember why he had walked from the roof of the building. It sort of felt like that time was far behind him now. He had created a new world for himself, though he probably wouldn’t last long in it. The ground was getting closer by the second.

Why had he jumped again?

Maybe it was because of what happened, but his past was not an issue now. He didn’t much care anymore since he had no true life to return to. What was a life without his family anyway?

This was true bliss.

A smile crept onto his lips. He felt like he had been falling for hours, though it’s only been a few seconds. The only sounds that reached him was the sound of the wind rushing past him as it blew his clothes and hair back with powerful force. Of course it wasn’t like he’d remember what he was feeling in the future. He didn’t have one.

It was an easy decision, nothing really left him rooted to this world anymore

.

That’s why he jumped.

He had already accepted death as a friend.

Not that there was anyone that would mourn his loss.

He was in utter bliss as of now, death was no fear of his.

Suddenly there was a blunt force slamming up against him and he began to move sideways instead of down. He grunted loudly and began to fight against the new resistance. He then realized that there was an arm wrapped around his waist. The arm had to be attached to somebody.

His eyes snapped open and he saw that he was indeed being carried. He didn’t have much time to protest verbally because the two of them both flew onto a roof. Eren went rolling on the concrete, getting the air knocked from his lungs as he hit the ground with a violent thud. The man who had saved him, on the other hand, was able to land swiftly onto his feet.

The first thing Eren felt was rage. He knew deep down, his life had been saved, but he obviously was not falling on accident. He didn’t _want_ to be saved. “What the hell is wrong with you?” he yelled as he tried to stand. His right leg hurt from impact and his left one felt like his knee was about to shatter, but he stood anyway.

“Shut your trap.” The man turned to face him and he was greeted with smoky grey eyes. He was a thin, short guy with raven colored hair and an obviously bored expression. His outfit consisted of a tan jacket, a white dress shirt, and white pants. On his hips was some sort of contraption he had used to fly through the air, whatever it was. Eren wasn’t in the mood to care about how it worked. “That’s no way to talk to the guy who saved your scrawny ass, you little shit.”

“I didn’t need saving,” Eren said with gritted teeth. His hands clenched at his sides and he could almost feel himself trembling with anger. Or was that fear that was making his legs shake? No... he wasn’t possibly afraid of dying.

The man sneered. “Obviously, you did.” He didn’t seem to care that Eren was pissed at him. He also didn’t seem to care about anything other than the fact that the brunette boy that stood before him was the biggest idiot to exist on the planet.

Which just pissed the kid off more. “No, I didn’t,” he hissed right back. He felt a little wobbly on his feet now and he was suddenly aware of how loudly his heart was pounding. Was he this freaked out before? “It’s not like what happened was an accident.”

“I know,” the man said simply. “I’m not a fucking idiot, I saw you walk off the ledge. You were trying to kill yourself. I didn’t let you.”

Eren’s breath caught in his throat. The term “kill yourself” brought him back to clarity. His anger was sucked from his very being, as if the words were some sort of vacuum for rage. Holy shit, he had just tried to kill himself. _Kill himself._ He attempted suicide. What would Carla, his  own mother, have to say about that? Oh God, his mom. That’s why he did it.

The buzz of falling was officially gone now, absorbed by the realization of what he just done, and the boy was ready to go back to his original state. He wanted to curl up and cry, as he had been doing before he thought up this scheme for his own death.

His legs, one that was starting to burn with hurt and the other already ready to give out, buckled and he fell to his knees. Tears stung at the corners of his eyes.

His mom.

His dad.

_Mikasa._

Oh God. Oh God.

His watery eyes panned upwards, locking with his savior’s, and he choked out, “Why?”

“Because I didn’t want to clean up the mess,” the stranger said with no pity in his tone. He acted as though he had saved Eren from spilling his coffee or something. Like this was something he could disregard as someone just tripping up and him stopping them from getting a little boo boo.

Eren opened his mouth to reply, to tell him off, or maybe just cry some more, but just then, another person skidded onto the roof, using the same fancy gear the man had. This person had brunette hair pulled back in a ponytail and a pair of oddly thick glasses pressed to their face. They seemed to have more emotion about what happened.

“Oh thank goodness, you caught him!” They exclaimed with a smile on their face. Why were they happy about that? Why were they happy at all? “Hey, there, fella,” they stepped over to where Eren was knelt. “You doing okay? Is anything hurt? Did Levi hurt you at all? Hey, ow!”

They were smacked upside the head by the man, who of course, seemed irritated with their sudden appearance. “Of course he’s hurt, he jumped off a fucking building,”  the man, Levi was his name, said coldly. “You’re supposed to be in your territory, shitty glasses, not mine. Your’s, I would think, is in that direction,” he nodded to the left. “What are you doing here?”

“I was just checking in,” the person explained. “and I saw what happened. Why are you worried about me? You should be worried about our friend here.”

“He’s fine.” He paused before sending the person in question a cold stare. An accusing stare. “And even if he isn’t, that’s his own damn fault.”

Eren’s glare wasn’t very intimidating because of the tears rolling down his cheeks and his lack of umph, but he didn’t like Levi’s tone of voice. No, actually, he just didn’t like his attitude in general. “What!? That’s so not true. It’s your fault-”

He was cut off, “That you’re still alive,” Levi finished for him, his tone maybe slightly irritated now. “Yes, I know that. And I still think that a thank you is in order. Instead of fucking screaming at me, I mean.”

“I didn’t _want_ to be saved, dickbag.” Eren wiped at his face with his sweatshirt sleeve. He could tell already his eyes were puffy and his nose was annoyingly stuffed up with snot. It was probably all over his face, too. Ugh and ew. “I jumped for a fucking reason, you should’ve just let me-!”

Levi interrupted him again, getting an agitated look on his face, “What? I should’ve let you die? If I had done that, where would you be right now?” He paused, letting Eren think that over for a few seconds. He didn’t need the time. He knew exactly what would come. “That’s right, on the sidewalk, dead. Or maybe you’d still be alive, but just have most of the bones broken in your body. Then you’d have to wait for your internal wounds to bleed out before you were actually able to be dead. Are you telling me you wanted that? Does that sound like a heroic death to you, shithead?”

The boy gulped and then looked away from the stranger’s piercing eyes. _Godammit, I’m such a fucking idiot._ he thought to himself. _This guy’s right about everything._ “No,” he said quietly, as though he was a pouting child.

“Then quit whining like a bitch,” was the snarl that came next. The man then began to shift the gear on his waist to make it comfortable against his body. “and get up. Keep moving.” It almost sounded like motivation. “And remember, the next time you try to jump off a building, I’m not saving you. C’mon Hange lets go,” with that he took off into the sky, no second glance, no goodbye.

“Wait, Levi, don’t you think we should...” The person left behind was trying to call after him, but the sentence faltered when the small man disappeared. The person’s shoulders slumped, then they looked toward Eren, “Well see you later, kid. I hope you’re okay.” With that, they zoomed off into the air just like Levi had.

Eren was left just sitting there. After realizing that he was truly alive, and now truly alone, he started to sob. Each breath was a gasped hiccup and his hand stayed over his mouth to keep any sound from escaping. He knew he’d have looked pitiful to any passerby, but it didn’t matter much since he was on a roof. There were no passerbies.

A few hours passed and the sun began to set. By then his eyes’ tear ducts were dried out and he’d slumped onto the cement in a ragdoll like position. He thought about climbing down, but it sounded too tedious. Once the sun was gone and the roof began to chill his skin rather than warm it, his phone began to ring. He answered it.

“Eren, where are you?” a frantic voice from the other end of the line said quickly. It was Armin, his best friend of ten years. The two of them were roommates now, so Armin probably realized he’d been missing for four hours now. He also sounded like he was crying. “Are you- are you okay? I saw your note and-”

Oh, right, he’d left a note. “I’m fine,” he said. He could tell that his voice was tired and raspy, he could hear it himself. “Sorry, for worrying you.” It was all he could say. Nothing would lighten the situation since he knew he had directly put that he was going to take his own life in that note. It was a suicide note, after all. It literally was just saying bye to Armin and Armin alone. That’s all of whom he had left. Armin had other people, unlike Eren, so Eren didn’t feel too bad about leaving him behind. That is, until now.

A relieved sigh came from the speaker and then his friend started up again. “Oh my god, Eren, what were you thinking?” The voice wasn’t angry, just startled and scared. “I thought you were- because you said that you were going to and I don’t even think I could handle it if you had done it.”

The brunette just listened to his ramblings, feeling worse and worse as each word passed, “I know, I’m sorry,” his voice began to crack as he talked. “I’m so sorry.” He had no tears left to shed, so this didn’t start the waterworks, but he sounded pitiful.

“Where are you?” Armin asked, ignoring the apology and sounding a little more demanding. “I’m going to come get you and were going to talk this out.”

Eren looked around and tried to remember where he was. Oh. “On our street. I’m on the roof of the apartment building next to ours.” He looked over at the taller apartment next door that he and Armin lived in. They lived on a middle floor, so actually kinda close to where he was sitting.

“How did you get there?” Armin asked, shocked. Then he realized, “Wait, were you planning on jumping from there?” He sounded  like he was going to be sick, or maybe he was going to cry some more.

“I’ll be home in a minute,” Eren said softly before hanging up. He then looked around for a way to get down and his eyes landed on the bright red fire escape. Then he looked back towards the edge of the building. A fall from this height wouldn’t be enough to kill him, but it could leave him within an inch of his life. Something he certainly deserved.

No. He had been save once and now he was not going to do it again. Not because Levi’s words got to him, or Armin’s almost teared up voice. It was more because, _I fucked up enough times today..._

His eyes turned back to the bars of a rusty fire escape covered in chipped red paint. He walked over to it slowly, carefully because of his leg, and pushed down the ladder. It hit the ground with a loud clang and somewhere in the alley, there was a startled cat that knocked over a trashcan. The noise was enough to wake sleeping people, but no angry citizens yelled out their windows.

The trek down was more exhausting that he cared to admit. Everything was more exhausting than it should've been. He trudged to his apartment, making his way up the stairs- the elevator’s been out for a week now -at a snail’s pace as to not wear himself down. Armin was standing in the hallway of their apartment, waiting for him, as he made it past the final step he needed to climb.

He looked like he was crying.

“Eren!” Armin’s shiny, baby blues landed on him and widened. He acted as if he hadn’t talked to Eren on the phone only minutes before. He ran down the hallway and attacked him with what could be called a baby bear hug.

They stood there in silence, Armin’s tight grip a painful reminder of who he’d hurt. It was minutes before they separated and went into their apartment, where he was pushed onto the couch, which felt great on his fucked up knee. Armin fell into a chair across from him, looking exasperated and on the verge of tears.

It was quiet for a moment before the shaggy, blonde haired boy spoke in a hushed tone. “I was so scared.” He shook his head lightly. “I didn’t know what to do. I found- I saw the note when I got home from work and-” he paused, taking a quick, shaky breath. “My first thought was to call you, as if it wasn’t actually _from_ you. I almost hung up before you answered.”

Eren absorbed every word and movement his friend let go of before looking down at the wooden floor with depressed eyes. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I didn’t- I wasn’t trying to-” he couldn’t seem to figure out the words he was trying to say. “I- I didn’t want to hurt you...” It was true, he didn’t. He had thought Armin wouldn’t be home for a long while after this and by then it would all be over. He would’ve been able to call Jean and Marco and get comfort from them until he was back on his feet and ready to go.

“What stopped you?” Armin’s asked direct and sudden.

“What?”

“What stopped you from... you know?”

Eren shifted in his seat, “Armin...”

“Please.”

A sigh. “...Nothing did.”

Armin made a confused face, not understanding. “What do you mean?”

The brunette didn’t look up from the ground. “I jumped.” A gasp. “But it didn’t do me any good... this guy literally caught me out of the air.” He thought back to the dark haired man and found he wasn’t as angry about what happened anymore, more relieved. He should’ve thanked him.

“Who?”

“I dunno.” Eren turned and stretched his sore legs across the couch, trying to get comfy in his own home. The same home that he’d leapt from the roof of just a few hours ago. “All I know is that he threw me against the roof next door, called me a shithead, then left with his flamboyant, weird-happy friend. I think his name was Leo or something. Lucas or Levi, maybe? I can’t remember, but it started with an ‘L’”

Armin looked a mixture of confused and concerned. “And he was... flying?”

A nod.

“Eren,” he said, pity drenching his tone. “You’re not on drugs, too, are you? I mean it’s okay if you are... we can sort through that, but you’ve got to te-”

Eren immediately interrupted him. “Armin!” He sounded offended that that was even a thought in his mind. “No, I’m not taking drugs! Why would you even think that?”

“You said the guy was flying.”

An impatient noise came from Eren’s mouth. “Not like a superhero or anything. He was using some weird device, I don’t know what it was, but it had grappling hooks attached to it. It wasn’t like he was Superman.” _Though I’m sure he’d like to think he was._

“Oh.” The blonde still seemed to be in disbelief, but he decided against showing it. The two of them went into a quiet that was only uncomfortable because of a single question that hung in the air.

Eren’s note lacked finesse and information. He was never much of a speech maker. It said goodbye and good luck, basically, but it didn’t have reasons or very memorable last words. The reason was very obvious, but there was still the question, because the answer wasn’t completely clear.

The quiet last minutes, which gave Eren just enough time to sink into his thoughts before he was dragged back out by a statement. “You know, I miss her, too.”

“...” he paused. Beautiful black eyes and silky black hair appeared in his mind in flashes, being just bits and pieces of who they belonged to. “...I know.”

 

 ****  
  


 


	2. A Dumb Knee

The next few days were different than usual. Armin stayed home to both comfort  Eren and watch his every move. They ate in, ordering pizza and making pasta, and they played a multiplayer xbox game that involved chibi magicians battling it out for the magic crystal. Armin was very good at tactic games, so he kicked Eren’s butt three times to next Tuesday.

There was also an appointment scheduled for next week with a Dr. Zoe, an apparently great therapist that was recommended by Sasha of all people. Eren didn’t know how to feel about this decision, he wanted to refuse, but that would just end with Armin forcing him into it. The whole idea of therapy made him feel crazy.

Then again, he did jump off of his apartment building.

Three days after the incident, Armin had to leave him for work, and Eren had to break the news to his current employer that he was going to be taking his weeks worth of vacation days now. He was not in the mood for selling cheeseburgers, but he’d burned through his grief days and he didn’t really want to quit, in case he still needed this job later.

Without Armin around, the house felt empty, like it was when he wrote his note. There was nothing to do, but think. It wasn’t like he could move very far, his knee was busted to hell. Armin has said it was only sprained, he was trustworthy with these things since he was aiming to be a nurse, but the wrap and the ice didn’t help any. He was supposed to keep off of it, which would be easy considering it hurt.

Being on the couch of his apartment all day was not interesting at all. He was only allowed to get up for changing out videogames and for food, but he ignored these orders a lot because he needed fresh air. Going from flying to being cooped up in an itty bitty place was the most frustrating thing he could go through. Not only was he trapped in the white walled cage he normally called home, but he was also caught up in his thought. When he was in a room with stuffy air and little homeliness, he couldn’t think clearly.

He was only home alone for about an hour before he finally stood from his seat, frustrated and twitchy. His knee complained, hating the weight of his body, but he walked on it anyway. He left the apartment, went up the stairs, and found himself at the last step for the second time this week.

Right beside the top step was a rust red door, long since broken and unable to lock. The last time he’d seen this door, it was blurred and it somehow seemed to be a beacon of light in the darkness. He stepped through it, slowly and carefully.

Cold air blew his hair in front of his eyes and sent icy chills down his spine. He flipped his hair back, swearing softly that he was going to get it cut short soon. As soon as the strands of soft brown were pushed back out of his face, his vision fell down to the ledge of the building. His heart caught in his throat.

He didn’t cry, he refused to. He was done feeling sorry for himself when it was his fault he was in this mess. His mind had already sunk back down in some abyss of inky blackness since then. It was a calm abyss instead of explosive and he felt it was better that way. Depression was nothing to take lightly.

No, no, he was grieving, that’s what it was. He’d lost everything, except his best friend, and he had a right to grieve.

Of course, grief doesn’t always lead down this path.

Armin had said it was a mix of the two, since Eren had refused depression and Armin had refused to believe it was only grief. But, Eren argued, he never felt sad around other people, it was only when he was by himself. It was like loneliness made him sad in general... probably because he wasn’t used to being alone.

It took a whole ten strides before he was leaning over the ledge, looking down at the earth below. He could make out the sidewalk and a few figures walking around outside the building. His acute memory flashed a beautiful memory of this very scene coming up fast. His breath left his lungs in a gasp and he suddenly felt sick to his stomach.

Everytime he thought about jumping again, his brain always gave him a disgusting image of his own body, crumpled on the ground, bleeding and broken. Joints were this way and his neck went that way. Limbs were twisted and complex fractures brought blood to the scene. His skull was bleeding and face unrecognizable.

He fell to the concrete of the building’s roof and had to hold his hand over his mouth as he gagged. He retched and retched until his empty stomach decided there was nothing to come out. This was the very reason he didn’t eat this morning. When he finally stopped, he just sat there, breathing heavily and trying to will away all of his thoughts.

It wasn’t like Armin was enough to soothe the pain of everything, no offence to the puppy-eyed blonde, but if Armin hadn’t been able to make him hesitate with jumping, then he certainly wouldn’t be able to just erase all of these deadly ideas just by being there. He felt like nothing could do anything like that, especially when he was alone.

It felt like whenever he was by himself, all his thoughts did was turn to his deceased family. He hadn’t lost them all at the same time, no if that had happened, he’d’ve shot himself in the head that night.

Both of his parents came first. They had crashed on an icy road one night. The car hit a tree at sixty miles per hour. His mom died on impact, his father died of either blood loss or hypothermia. He was a wreck for weeks after his parents died, barely got out of bed, was forced to eat. Mikasa was the reason he got back on his feet.

Everything was fine. He got a job, moved in with Armin, and was really starting to piece things together. It had been almost a year and a half since his parents died and he was doing great. Then, as if Fate decided to play some hell driven trick on him, he got a call one day at work. Mikasa was in the hospital because she had collapsed in the middle of a store. Later on, they found out it was cancer, the kind in the brain. Even with medicine, she only lasted a few more months.

He’d always felt close to his sister. He was closer to her than he was Armin, and it was mainly because one of the two had obvious feelings for the other. It wasn’t Eren. It didn’t ever turn into a incest thing, but Mikasa always treated him like the most precious guy on the planet, while also saving his ass a lot, too. It would’ve been a weirder thing to experience if she hadn’t been adopted by his parents. She was almost pure Japanese while he was almost pure German. There was no family resemblance, obviously, since they didn’t share blood.

She was like this center piece to the puzzle of his normal everyday life. Even before their parents died, she was the only person who was actually a mom figure to him. He knew his mom tried her hardest to be like that, but she never really fit the role well.

Then suddenly, both of them were gone. Them, and his father, who he had looked up to his whole life. All he had left of them were pictures and Mikasa’s red scarf.

Her funeral was a week before Eren’s incident. Upon her request, he donated all of her belongings to the orphanage she spent nine years of her life in. It was a cute, kind place. The kids deserved it. Anything they didn’t take was donated elsewhere and Eren was only selfish enough to keep the scarf.

He had been wearing it when he was writing his note. It now smelled very little of Mikasa and more of sad tears. The thought hurt a bit. He didn’t want to lose that last connection to his dead sister.

A monotone voice pulled him from his thoughts. “Thought I told you not to do this again, you little shit. I won't rescue you if you fall.”

Eren flinched, startled. He looked up to see the raven haired man from before leaning against the brick shaped, mini wall that was connected to the door. He knew he wasn’t angry with this man anymore, not like he’d been before, but he was still wary of him. “I wasn’t jumping,” he said in a voice just loud enough to be heard.

“Really.” The man’s way of putting it sounded like he was calling bullshit.

But Eren wasn’t lying. “Really.”

“Then why are you here?” he asked, looking at Eren with the same expression he always gave. It looked like a constant scowl.

The boy sighed. He had been trying to figure that out himself, to be honest. He gave his original excuse. “I needed fresh air. My apartment’s stuffy and going downstairs meant being around people who I don’t know.”

The man stopped being so suspicious then, almost as if he understood. He switched his questioning to another idea. “Do you live here?”

Now, three days ago when he met this guy, he hated him and it felt as though the feelings were mutual at the time. Today, he acted as though he maybe somewhat gave an actual shit. “Yeah,” was his short reply.

The two of them fell silent, leaving Eren feeling awkward. He wanted to leave. Now. He pushed himself off the ground and stood on his feet. His knee protested, but he ignored it, just readjusting it’s strap to be a bit tighter. The man was watching him closely when he looked up and it pushed him to the question. “Who are you?”

The man’s eyes rolled and readjusted to look at him directly. “That’s none of your business,  kid.”

“Alright.” Eren didn’t feel like pushing it much. He leaned against the ledge and put his hands down on the concrete to keep himself more secure. “Can I at least get a name?”

“No.”

“Um, okay.” He sighed. This guy was impossible to decipher. “Well, I’m Eren-”

“I don’t care.”

Eren ignored the interruption. “-and I wanted to thank you for the other day... I mean I’m still pretty pissed about it and my knee freaking hates you for throwing me onto a roof, but, still, thanks.”

“Oh?” He sounded surprised, but didn’t look it. If anything,he looked smugly amused, but only in the slightest. “Are you done throwing your little hissy fit, now?”

Eren started to speak without thinking. “I was not-!” He stopped mid sentence, realizing he’d be lying if he finished it. He suddenly felt really bratty for the way he was acting. His eyes went down to the roof, finding the gray more interesting than the man’s face at the moment. “I mean, um, yeah, sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight...”

“Are you sure you can even think?” Was the rude question he got in return. He gritted his teeth and ignored it.

Well he tried to ignore it, but it ticked him off more than he wanted. This guy could really get under his skin. “Well, um,” he began, starting to formulate a plan to keep himself from looking like an ass again. “Er, I gotta go, so-” He began to push off the wall, forgetting his dumb knee, and almost ended up falling all over again.

“Your knee,” the man said, interrupting his attempts. “Broken?”

“Sprained,” he answered without really thinking about it. The stupid knee was sending annoying pangs through his body and was distracting him. He wouldn’t have had to deal with this if Levi hadn’t caught him and threw- no he wasn’t allowed to think like that. He was thankful. “My roommate would force me into a cast if it were broken.”

The man just looked at him and Eren found that he couldn’t move. Not because of some magical force, but just because the gaze made him feel glued to the ground. It was a few minutes before he spoke again, “Levi.”

“Heh?” Eren was caught off guard by the name.

The man sighed and probably gave a roll of the eyes. “My name.”

Oh. Eren realized this was the name he probably had heard from that other person’s shouts the other day. He knew it started with an “L”. He’d have to permanently remember it this time. “Can I... Can I ask you a question, um, Levi?” Eren asked.

“Why the fuck are you asking?” Levi shot back. His insulting replies were way too fast to be normal. “Just spit it out.”

The reply almost shot down Eren’s confidence. He had to take a deep breath before he could lift his head up to speak. His golden eyes shone with a steely resolve he didn’t have in his heart. “Could you tell me why you saved me?”

“I told you that already,” Levi said with a huff. “I was being serious. I didn’t want to clean up the mess. That spill was unnecessary, so I stopped it from happening. It was an easy fix.” His voice was so uninterested at first, it hurt. Then he switched tones to something a little softer. “I was also serious about you not doing it again. I probably wouldn’t be able to catch you the second time. And wasting your life like that is useless.”

This explanation was different, but still left a somewhat bitter taste in his mouth. He didn’t even know this guy and now he was very aware he owed him his life. And now he didn’t seem to be as much as a douchebag. Well shit. “Are you always like this around people you don’t know? The um, nice part, of course. Not the dickiness.”

A small chuckle was elicited from the older man thanks to this. “Wow, you’re something aren’t you? Didn’t your parents ever teach you manners, brat?”

“Didn’t your’s?” Eren shot back.

Levi looked unimpressed. “Touche.”

Suddenly something began to ring with a stuttered beeping. A phone? Eren watched as Levi rolled his eyes and pulled an oddly small phone from a pocket to answer it. “What the fuck do you want?” was the first words out of his mouth. Eren was silently happy that he wasn’t the only one the man was rude to. He quietly listened to one half of the conversation.

“No... Did I stutter?... Hange, I swear to god if you pull me into your hob- no, I don’t want to... I don’t care... Look, assfuck, I’m busy right now... No... Because no... Whatever.” The phone was then promptly shoved back into his pocket after the relatively short conversation. Levi sighed loudly and looked at the boy ahead of him. “Well, kid, I’m leaving. Don’t hurt yourself on the way back to your room.”

“Who said I was going back to my room?” Eren asked in a huff. He wasn’t about to be told what to do.

“I did,” was Levi’s terse reply. Then he zoomed off without another word, using the same device as before.

Eren watched him until he completely disappeared around the corner in some Spiderman inspired swing. It wasn’t until then that his stomach cried that it was hungry and his legs whined that they were tired. Looks like he’d be going back to his room after all.


	3. Therapeutic Problems

Eren limped his way back downstairs and slumped down onto the couch.The stairs were worse going up than they were going down, but he still felt like crap either way. He knew he wouldn’t get better pushing himself like this. Armin would probably murder him for moving in the first place.

He couldn’t reach any healthy food from the couch, so he only munched on a bag of baked barbeque chips as he watched a movie on Netflix about a man finding happiness and blah blah blah. It made him sick to sit there and watch a fairytale, but he didn’t understand why he wanted to throw up when he saw the other people happy. Maybe he just didn’t like the unrealistic amount of fate play, or maybe he just didn’t like that these fictional characters got a happy ending and he didn’t.

About forty minutes into the sappy tale, he exited back to his xbox home screen and started up his favorite game. This was of course the newest zombie horror on the block that had better graphics than the last one. Armin said his favorite game changed every few months, but so did every other teenage boys’ so who cared.

Mikasa never approved of the bloody games. She said they were nasty and went too far a lot of the time, but she let Eren play them because it helped with his stress. Well... when he was winning it helped with stress. Otherwise he’d be throwing his controller around and getting pissed off at random strangers with only gamertags to create their faces.

The game was based around a virus apocalypse that had the whole “blood contact, makes zombie,” deal and the main character was obviously immune to the virus’s attacks. In multiplayer, there was a team of four characters like this, and they could either play through maps or fight zombies that were actually just other people.

Eren loaded up his progress on the campaign he had yet to finish. He was so busy with depressing things this past few weeks, he didn’t have the time to play. The main character was a beautiful blonde woman who was badass sometimes, but had more to her than fighting, considering her backstory and her emotions throughout the game. She was also not in skimpy clothes that made Eren frown when he looked at it, which was great.

He spent the rest of the time Armin was gone playing the game. He got past at least three zombie bosses, one of which being Chainsaw Larry, before Armin walked through the door of their apartment carrying some chinese takeout.

God bless blonde puppy dogs for knowing exactly what Eren was craving.

“You feeling okay today?” Armin asked as he plopped down on the couch next to Eren with their prepared plates. He handed one off to his friend and kept the other to himself.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Eren answered honestly. He pretty much was... well despite the earlier fiasco with Levi, but he wasn’t about to mention that to his best friend. “I’ve just been playing as Miss Emailee. I got past Larry.”

Armin looked at the screen and saw he was at the hospital, proving that he did indeed beat Larry. “Woah, I haven’t even gotten that far yet. I got stuck on the subway part where the horde attacks you. I’m not good at first person shooters.”

“Yeah,” Eren agreed, making Armin shoot him an adorable little glare. “but,” he added. “you are amazing at third person platformers so shut up.”

This got the blonde to giggle a bit, forcing him to almost choke on a lo mein noodle. After spluttering, he said, “You’re just upset because I got past the lava level in that one game and you didn’t.” Despite having choked last time, he took another bite after finishing his sentence.

Eren spoke around a crab ragoon, “You mean that Zelda game? I beat that remember?” He wasn’t a very mannerly kid compared to his goody two shoe friend..

“After my help.”

“Shut up,” Eren said with a pout. The two of them promptly laughed together and then finished their food in a comfortable quiet, one that was only interrupted by more bantering and playful words. Eren knew very well this was Armin’s version of lightly treading, but he decided against pointing it out.

When their meal was finished, Armin turned on an episode of some anime he loved and sat back. Eren had to sit through a couple of thirty minute episodes of Fullmetal Alchemist before they talked again. This conversation started as serious as it went. Armin was the first to speak, “Dr. Zoe called.”

“Huh? Why?” Eren asked. “I thought we alread- well I already had an appointment with them... Did they cancel?” That was a concerning thought. How could you be rejected before you even went to their office? Did the therapist take one glance at his file and decide that he wasn’t worth the trouble?

“No, no,” Armin said quickly, shaking his head and making shaking motions with both hands. He didn’t want Eren to get the wrong idea. “The opposite actually. They told me that they decided to bump up your appointment."

Eren’s face twisted into a strong look of confusion, “Why would they do that?”

The blonde shrugged, just as left in the dark as his friend about what was going down in the therapist’s office. “They just said they wanted to see you earlier.”

“When?”

“Tomorrow at two.”

“What?” The boy immediately became both bewildered and anxious all in one second. He couldn’t possibly go that early. He wasn’t ready to face the facts of how crazy he actually was. It was one thing to go next week, but the next day?

Armin looked down as though he was ashamed he didn’t mention it sooner. “I tried to get a later appointment, I swear, but they said that it was either the 15th or the 30th and I don’t want to make you wait that long.” Translation: _I’m scared if you don’t get help soon, you’ll hurt yourself again._

Eren felt like giving up and not going. He wasn’t mentally prepared for giving a stranger, certified or not, his life story so that they can tell him that he’s just grieving. He knew that already. He didn’t need a professional to tell him. “Armin, I’m not sure if I’m ready for this. Like, I get that a lot of people work well with therapy, but I’m a little different than most people.”

“Well you do come on pretty strong, I’ll give you that,” Armin pointed out as he realized the severity of how true that was. “But Dr. Zoe wont mind, I’m sure. They sounded very nice over the phone and I doubt that somebody who works with Sasha would be veered away by somebody like you.”

Eren pulled one of his legs up onto the couch and rested his head down on his knee. This was the knee that was only a little bruised. “Yeah, you’ve got a point...” he paused, turning his eyes away from Armin’s. “but, what if I go in there and they treat me like I’m dumb or something? I don’t want to get mad at my therapist on the first day.”

“They won't,” Armin assured him. “Look if you’re that worried, I’ll go with you. You always seemed calmer with me or Mikasa around. Except for with Jean. You really hate him for some reason.”

“He’s a dick.”

“So you’ve said.”

Eren sighed and turned back towards Armin, his leg dropping to the place next to his other one. “Anyway, you don’t have to go in with me. I’ll just... try not to seem stupid and hope they treat me like I’m not.”

“Well I’ll be right out in the waiting room if you get uncomfortable.” the blonde said both sweetly and firmly at the same time. Eren had no choice but to believe him.

“Thanks, Armin.”

Armin smiled, his head tilting a bit as if to seem innocent. “That’s what friends are for, right?” What a clichè thing to say at this very moment. However, the typicalness didn’t pull away from the sincerity.

“Yeah,” Eren sent him a weak smile back. “And you’re a great friend.” His eyes then locked onto his knee and he groaned. “How long ‘til this heals?”

Armin moved closer and looked at the oddly tight wrap before sighing. He looked back up and gave Eren a disappointed look. “Months if you keep moving around on it like an idiot,” he scolded.

“Dammit, how’d you know?”

Armin moved to unfasten the strap and readjust it himself, loosely this time. This made the situation feel a lot more awkward than Eren was comfortable with, but it was for his knee. “Moving around shifts the strap,” the blonde said simply. “I know that you’d be someone to get frustrated with the constant loosening, so you’d tighten it more than it should be.”

And with that, Eren was caught red handed. Nobody could fool Armin’s huge brain. At least he didn’t question why he was moving around, because somehow he always knew when Eren was being a dirty liar. How? Eren had no idea. Everytime he asked, Armin just laughed at him.

 

***

 

A day later, Eren was sitting in the waiting room next to his friend as time drew nearer to his appointment. He was a jittering bundle of nerves and felt extremely self conscious about being seen as a crazy person for being there. It was a silly idea, he knew somewhere deep in the recedes of his brain, since he didn’t see any of the other people as crazy despite the fact that they were there, too.

He spent the time dawdling on his cell phone. He pretended he had something more important to do on his phone other than flip through the various downloaded apps that he’d downloaded weeks, actually more like months, ago.

Armin was reading from a book that he had brought along to ease his boredom. It was some book that had a french name. Eren didn’t even try pronouncing it, in fear that he could offend all French people everywhere for his horrible pronunciation. He had a right to bring this considering he’d be in the waiting room much longer than Eren, almost an hour or so more actually. Depending on whether or not the brunette could stomach the therapy.

After a half hour, Eren noticed a man walking through the double doors about the same time as his scheduled appointment. He was an ordinary looking man with blonde hair and fierce eyebrows. He wasn’t one of the therapists, since he just walked past all of the patients. He also wasn’t wearing a nametag either.

Eren hoped this was his therapist’s appointment before himself, but he also wished it wasn’t. The conflicting emotions splattered his thoughts and sent his stress level to a point that he almost dropped his phone in the midst of the overwhelming feeling. He looked over to his friend to make sure he wasn’t noticing anything, he wasn’t. He then looked back to his screen to find a game over picture on some Temple Run based game.

Well shoot.

He sighed and exited from the game by pressing the home screen. Since he doubted he’d have much time before he was pulled into the back, he just studied his wallpaper with a sad look on his face. It was a picture of him, Mikasa, and Armin in front of a beach in Florida. It was placed in a time before everything went to shit. A kind stranger took the photo for them and told them to smile wide. Mikasa actually complied, which was why Eren loved the picture so much.

A familiar voice pulled him from his studying.

“Eren Jaeger.”

Before he even looked up, Eren knew who it was. The person from before, that had joined him and Levi on the roof. By the way they were calling for him... it meant that they were Dr. Zoe. There was no way that was possible.

His jaw dropped in shock when he tilted his head up and saw the person with the huge glasses and brown ponytail. He remembered them specifically because he couldn’t tell whether they were a woman or man. What was their name? Haaaaannah? No... Hannes? No, he’d remember that since it was the name of his mother’s best friend. What could it be then?

“Eren,” Armin whispered from beside him. “Go already. They’re waiting.”

He nodded subconsciously, and slowly went to stand up. Not only did he not expect to see Levi twice, he really didn’t think he’d see this one again, especially not appearing in his life as his therapist. He tried to shake away the shock, but his feet defied him and stayed to their spots on the floor. A push, possibly by a supernatural force, more likely by Armin, made him step forward.

From there on, he walked normally towards the smiling almost-stranger. He couldn’t see their eyes because of a glare on the glasses, but he could easily tell that they recognized him by how the warm smile turned more sincere as he walked towards them.

“Follow me, please,” they said calmly and politely as they held the door for Eren to walk through. He did as he was told and followed them into the back area. The door slammed shut behind them. “We’re just going right around the corner,” they explained as they began to walk straight.

“Okay,” Eren said in a pathetically quiet voice. His legs began to walk by themselves as he followed. He couldn’t tell if all this freaking out was from shock or anxiety.

They were silent the rest of the way to the room. Eren was patient as they unlocked the door and let him into the small office room. Inside was a small couch on the wall farthest from the entrance, two plush chairs on the wall beside it, and a cluttered desk on the opposite side. The walls weren’t a eye burning shade of white, but instead a  rosy pinkish with chocolate brown lines swirling about near the bottoms.

The office door was closed behind him and a high pitched squeal made his heart leap out of his chest. “Oh you’re that boy from a few days ago aren’t you? The one who Levi saved? How coincidental you showed up at my office to be my newest patient!”

Eren turned and looked at them like they were crazy. The mood shift was enough to shove all of his worries over being uncomfortable out the window. “You remember me?”

“Of course!” Dr. Zoe said with a huge grin on their face. “I couldn’t forget a cutie like you.”  Eren blushed, embarrassed, but the doctor ignored it and continued in a fast voice. “I still can’t believe you’re in my office! I hope you’ll let me be your therapist even though you saw me before during that whole fiasco. I don’t think it would affect anything anyhow. Oh! Just wait until Levi finds out that I found you again. You know, he’s been fo-”

Eren stopped them. “Wait,” he said, effectively stopping them mid sentence. “Slow down, please.” He enjoyed the temporary silence.

“Sorry,” Dr. Zoe said with a laugh. “I got a bit carried away. Let’s get started, shall we? How about you take a seat? Anywhere is fine.”

The boy nodded and plopped down in one of the chairs. It’s cushion tried to eat him it was so soft. He ran his hand over the fabric that covered it, and found it felt like velvet. It would  be nice to have a chair like this in his house, maybe not for gaming, but for comfort in general, really.

“My name is Dr. Zoe,” they said as they sat down in their office chair. They folded their hands in their lap, making them look way more calm than they were five seconds ago. “But you can call me Hange. I’m Levi’s friend.”

Eren gave them a confused look, “Friend...? It didn’t seem like that to me.”

They erupted into a laugh that mixed with a snort and some giggles. He hadn’t realized he was being funny? “Oh I can see why you got that impression,” they said, grinning from ear to ear. “Levi is a little backwards. He’s mean to everybody, but there’s some people he’s a little less mean to.”

“And those are his friends?”

“Exactly.” Their grin sunk to a kind smile as they looked at him. “But you’re not here to talk about Levi. I’m going to say that you’re here because of-”

Eren interrupted them before they said it. “Yeah,” he concluded for them.

“And that little fella out there,” Hange was referring to the blonde they saw urging Eren towards the door. “Is he family?” Nice, a change of subject just before things got uncomfortable around here.

He nodded. “Well, pretty much. He’s more like my best friend, but he’s practically a brother to me.”

Somewhere in the midst of his explanation, Hange had whipped out a clipboard and jotted down something very quickly and discreetly. Eren tried to ignore it for the sake of his sanity. After finishing they asked, “Is he your only close family?”

Eren’s teeth dug softly into the inner wall of his mouth. “Yeah,” he answered. A month ago, the answer would’ve been different. Also, a month ago, he had no reason to be here. “I did, um, have a sister, but she passed a few weeks ago.” Why did he add that?

Hange nodded, checked something off, then set down the clipboard. “Can you tell me her name perhaps?” This was going a bit faster than he wanted...

Eren was starting to feel a lot less confident and he suddenly didn’t want to be here. He shifted in his seat, his eyes panning towards the door. “Yeah, er, her name was Mikasa.” It would only take a split second to take off and Armin would certainly take him home. He promised.

“That’s a beautiful name,” Hange complimented. It sounded as though they weren’t even noticing his on edge behavior. It was either that, or they were ignoring it. The latter made more sense, considering they were a professional at reading people.

The boy turned his gaze back to the therapist. His fingers began to tap on the soft fabric of the chair. He really wanted to leave. _Now_. “I know,” he said a bit absently.

“Do you think that she, Mikasa,” Hange paused a moment, making sure to catch their companion’s attention before finishing. “would have wanted you to do what you did?”

Somewhere, in a different room,  a glass ball dropped and shattered, sending a chill up Eren’s spine. Or at least that’s how this felt. His throat swelled against any words his muddled, frustrated mind could have thought up and his vision began to blur a bit. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out the first time he tried. He then took a deep breath and forced it, “No, but... honestly, I did it because _I_ wanted to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ending took me a bit while longer to finish than I expected, but I got it!


	4. The Beginning of Something... maybe?

Eren found the session more relaxing after that. Hange took note on his angry attitude and switched back to a conversation about Armin, that lead to his friendship with Marco, which obviously lead to the deep hatred he had for Jean. This was a topic they were very interested in and drew out quite a bit more than he would have liked.

“I don’t know why I hate the guy so much,” Eren said. He had long since switched to the couch so he could lay back more comfortably. “There’s just something about him that just- ugh- it gets under my skin and I just want to punch his stupid horse face.” Just thinking about him made Eren’s blood boil.

Hange considered his answer, somehow finding it made sense. “Have you always felt this way about him? Hating him with every fiber of your being?”

He shook his head. “Not really. Initially, I just thought he was sort of full of himself. I never liked him, but I didn’t hate him until high school when he started butting into my business because he had a fake crush on my sister. It was actually just denial. He’d been secretly wanting Marco for years before that.”

“So he was gay?” they questioned after a second of thought. “Did you hate him because of that?”

“Heck no.”

“Oh, really?” They sounded surprised. It was almost offensive they’d think otherwise.

“Of course not,” Eren confirmed, crossing his arms. “I wouldn’t hate someone for being gay. I mean that’s like outright saying I hate myself.”

This made Hange give him a genuinely happy expression, but they wiped it back to something less impressed as they tried to keep professional. “Oh, so you’re gay as well?”

“Why?”

Hange’s grin could easily be compared to that of the Cheshire cat. “Curiousity.”

“Um,” Eren’s brow furrowed and he shook his head a bit, not to say no, but to try to piece together his thoughts. “Does it matter?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Science.”

That... was a questionable reason, but further arguing was pointless. It wasn’t like the therapist was going to judge him at all. They actually seemed excited by the possibility. “I am,” he admitted. “So what?”

“Nothing,” Hange said, returning to their less suspicious attitude as they folded their hands together over their lap. “On another topic, are you planning to continue therapy or was this too much for you?”

Eren contemplated that question. Doing something like this didn’t seem too complicated, but he very well knew that the first session was considerably less dangerous than the rest. If he continued, the delving may go deeper than Eren’s worst enemy from grade school. He wasn’t ready to talk to Armin about his sister, netherless a therapist.

But... Armin would kill him if he said no.

So he nodded. “I’ll keep going, I guess.” He shifted in his seat, preparing to stand as the session looked like it was closing.

“Good, good, good, good!” Hange popped out of their seat and began to gather up the papers they felt they needed. They handed one to Eren. It was a flyer. “I’ll tell Petra, my secretary, to make you another appointment and then I’ll call that little fellow and tell him when it is.”

He again nodded, then looked down at the bright pink paper. The top read, in bold black letters, “ **Reaching For Stars** ” and the bottom had a few paragraphs of explanation along with dates and addresses. “Um,” Eren started, keeping his eyes on the sheet. “What’s this exactly?”

“That my club for all of my patients.” They smiled brightly. They also must’ve seen Eren’s panicked expression because they continued. “It’s not mandatory, don’t worry. I’d like to see you there though. You don’t have to bring anything, but we normally have a picnic type thing, then play some games. Easy stuff to keep my people from receding into their hermit shells.”

“Who all goes to it?”

“Patients, workers,” They counted each one on their fingertips. “Families, their friends, and my friends. Sasha goes.” That’s right, Sasha was the one who told Eren to go to Dr. Zoe. She seemed to be a social person and of course, if food’s involved, she was definitely there. “I hope you come, Eren.”

“I..” he wanted to refuse, but the idea sounded nice to be honest. Just a good, full day of basking in the sun and eating food he didn’t have to pay for. “I’ll think about it.”

 

***

 

Armin insisted Eren go to this club thing as soon as he found out, but this didn’t save Eren from being skeptical about it. Was he ready to be around other people? Especially ones that had their own therapeutic worthy problems?

He went to the roof to think on it. While sitting on the ground by the door, he found his thoughts forming easier and his mind being clearer.

He first questioned his ability to do well in social situations. He did that great.... well, he hasn’t done very good lately, but normally he was a little bit sociable. Maybe not in the “be my friend” way, but at least in the somewhat friendly way.

Next came him questioning if he could physically handle it. Games at a park involved moving and he still had a whole nother week before his joints would even start to heal. They still hurt like crazy and he was beginning to wonder if he should see a doctor about it. Or maybe he should listen to Armin and keep off of it. Otherwise, he’d end up in crutches by doctor’s orders.

Emotionally, he’d probably never be prepared. His natural setting for feeling was “pretty shitty” and he never really wanted to interact anymore.

Any other things he deemed unimportant to his argument. Like how it’d be good for him to meet others and have fun and how Hange was very nice enough to invite him. Those things made him feel obligated, which made him want to go less than before.

God, he wished he could just say no.

Minutes passed and his thoughts cleared up. He decided he’d test the water with the picnic thing and if he didn’t like it, he’d just make up an excuse to leave. No harm in it, right? It wasn’t until 5 days from now, so he had some time to rest up and get prepared. That was also time to back out.

He moved to get up and leave just as someone landed on the roof. It was Levi of course, at least it looked like him from behind. Good god, is this always going to happen when he comes up here?

Wait, no, this was different. Levi hadn’t noticed him yet, or at least he wasn’t acting like he had. From where he was, he could see tense shoulders and a sort of sway to the man’s usual strong stance. Was something wrong?

Levi walked forward and leaned against the front wall of the building, looking down at the street below. The same wall Eren leapt from. Eren now couldn’t make out any distinct features from how far away he was, but he didn’t stop staring. It was rude to stare, yeah, but he had nothing else to do since he didn’t want to alert the man of his presence.

They stayed exactly like this for a bit. Levi didn’t notice him until he started to stand. The reason: the pressure on his leg made him curse under his breath. He had forgotten about it. With his leg refusing his weight, he leaned on the wall. That one single sound from his mouth and when he looked up, the gray eyed man was staring at him. He cursed aloud this time.

“I always run into you up here,” Levi said once they made eye contact. For some reason, his tone was, well, softer than the other times they’d spoken. He usually had this strong, fuck this, sort of way of talking, but today it wasn’t there. “Why?”

Eren knew instinctively that he shouldn’t question his behavior or be snarky by saying that he lived here. Instead, he answered what he was asked with honesty, “I don’t like being on the ground.”

An air of understanding came with this answer. Levi nodded and then sighed. His normally expressionless face had a sunken look to it, but he didn’t speak like he was depressed. “Thought you’d be scared of heights, considering-”

“Considering that I jumped off a roof?” Eren finished for him. “I thought so, too, but I’m not. I just feel a little sick if I look off that edge,” he pointed to the one behind the man. “but the rest are okay. I usually stay over here anyway."

“Hm,” Levi hummed in response. There was an uncomfortable silence upon them for the moment after as he continued to stare at Eren. It was a distant gaze that didn’t make him very self conscious, just a little concerned. The man didn’t speak up again and Eren had to fill the quiet himself.

He cleared his throat, “Well I uh-”

“I can leave if you want,” Levi said before he finished. “Give you your thinking space or whatever. I have better things to do than sit around this dump anyway.”

Before he could even turn to go, Eren quickly said, “No,” while shaking his head furiously. He’d move to stop him, but he had a bit of an anchor keeping him rooted. “I- you don’t have to leave. I mean, I’ve already thought over things and I really can just go back downstairs now.” He paused, realizing he didn’t _want_ that, and rethought his idea very quickly. “Or you know, I could stay up here and we could talk.”

Levi’s face twisted into a harder scowl. “Why the fuck would I do that?”

“Well I owe you my life,” Eren explained. “So, I want to get to know you. We could uh be friends or something. Acquaintances, if you don’t like the term friend...”

The gray eyes almost fell into a look of confusion or shock. Maybe this was the sign of an invisible wall breaking? No, that wasn’t it, because sadly they then shaped back into a hardened glare. “Look, kid, I don’t need a brat as a friend, nor an acquaintance. Plenty of people think they owe me their lives. Despite that, I’m not a very popular person, as you can tell. That’s because I tell them to fuck off and move on. I don’t need any fans up my ass.”

Of course, the superhero syndrome, Eren should’ve known. He didn’t want to be classified as one of those people, because he wasn’t. “I don’t mean it like that,” he argued. “I don’t want to grovel at your feet, I want to- well I guess I just want to know you, like I said.”

Levi didn’t seem to like that idea either. “Why the hell would you even think I’d consider that? Do you think you’re special or something?”

“No,” Eren said plainly in return. He almost wanted to give up the argument now and leave. He felt like he was going to collapse. “I just doubt that any of the other people you saved got to see you afterwards. You have to know by now that  I come up here, so why me?”

Levi spoke after a moment’s pause. “I don’t need to explain myself to some shitty kid that I don’t know.”

The bricks of the wall were beginning to painfully scrape Eren’s palms and he decided he could no longer support himself like this. With his gaze still on the man, he slid back into his seat from before. “Then don’t. We can talk about the weather or something, I dunno... just please give it a try?”

After another glare and a bit more of consideration, the grumpy man reluctantly gave in and leaned against the wall next to the boy, since he refused to sit on the dirty ground. They then had their first normal, realistic feeling conversation. It wasn’t a very deep talk, since it seemed more tense than not, but it was a start. And, to add to that, Eren got to learn that Levi was not incapable of not insulting him every other sentence.

Didn’t Hange say he was just _less_ mean to his friends?

 

***

 

Flying was like painting a beautiful masterpiece. An art that should only be practiced by those who know how it works and can conquer the feeling. It comes with practice, mistakes, and learning, and requires plenty of knowledge on the subject. Though, unlike painting, flying was not something people could do without machines and more than most didn’t really like the heights.

But Levi, even as a child, he craved something other than being glued to the earth, especially since he used to live under it.

Now, as an adult, he was living his dreams and he was able to chase clouds with out a care and without boundaries, but this came with a price. Initially, he didn’t like being part of the city’s secret super hero clique. Nowadays, he tolerates it. Knocking out muggers, giving thugs a good beatdown, and saving folks started to feel more natural as he did it more and more.

That being said, Levi knew that everyday he had a duty to save people. It was what he did for a living, it was literally the job description. He didn’t want other work like Hange and he hardly cared for keeping a family like Erwin. He did this, then went home. He didn’t date, he didn’t have friends, and he hardly wanted to keep pets in his perfectly clean house, so he was always by himself after work. A lonely life to others, a comfortable one to him.

This was a life he deemed perfect until he just had to save the wrong suicidal. The kid, Eren was his name, wasn’t a character that stood from the crowd, really. Not when it came to his first meeting of Levi. Most either hated him or were twinkling in the eyes with hero lust. This kid was the former.

But even then, Levi could see someone who was broken. The only reason he hated him was because he didn’t let Eren shatter. This pissed Levi off and he showed it. After the fact, he decided to keep watch in that part of town to make sure the idiot didn’t try again. A few days after, he saw the boy on the roof again and dropped by to make sure he wasn’t tempting fate.

This time he was greeted with a different form of the fiery brat. He was obviously still very hateful, so was Levi, but he had a different air about him. It must’ve been the fact that he wasn’t as emotional anymore. With this attitude, he somehow pushed just the right button to get Levi to talk to him like he wasn’t a childish idiot. Levi wasn’t happy about this, but he easily accepted it. The kid was more sly than he’d hoped.

That night when he’d got home, he found himself uncomfortable. His house felt a bit cold and he was actually a little bored. After spending the past few days doing something that now was basically resolved, he didn’t feel up to just sitting around. He read a book instead of worrying about his slight mood change.

The next day was not a good one. At least, not the morning, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about the long time between this update and the last. I really have no excuse other than I'm too lazy to write this and a prompt everyday.   
> I promise I'll try to update more!  
> The next chapter will probably be thoroughly more of following Levi around instead of Eren.


	5. A Shitty Morning

It was already ten o’clock by the time Levi woke up the next morning. Normally he was an early riser, but the night before he had stayed up until two reading, and his six o’clock alarms didn’t wake him. What woke him was a call from Erwin. A mixture of his annoying ass ringtone and the vibration of the phone against his wooden nightstand was enough to get him to crack open his eyes.

He reached over to the phone and flipped it open. “What do you want so early in the goddamned morning?” he asked before the receiver had even reached his mouth. It had to be before six right? Otherwise he’d be awake by now. From the other end he could hear muffled shouting and frantic talking. Over that came the deep voice of the man who was the closest thing to a friend he had.

“We need you, there’s an apartment fire.”

This popped Levi into a sitting position. Fires were his expertise. Hange being too slow and clumsy to maneuver the burning building and Erwin being too clunky to fit into the small pockets of open air where they could land, he was the only quick and swift enough one in the crew. “Send me the coordinates, I’ll be there.”

He hung up the phone and slipped from his rumpled bed. A silent urge made him want to smooth out the blanket and sheets, but he had to promptly turn a blind eye. There were lives at stake so his habits had to wait. It took the same amount of time for him to dress as it did for Erwin to send the location of the fire and he had to quickly slip into his gear.

He was blinded by the sun when he left the house. Suddenly it wasn’t too early anymore. Had he really slept that long? He definitely was supposed to be on duty right now and he wasn’t. The street name wasn’t in his area, but it was close enough that he should be there by now. Erwin must be pissed.

He zipped off, grappling onto a second story right next to an alleyway, not caring to check if neighbors saw him. His coordination was wavering since his mind wasn’t fully awake and in the minutes it took him to get there, he almost broke a window and almost missed a corner shot. Where was his head today?

Upon arriving, he was bombarded by the serious version of the person behind the shitty glasses.  They weren’t freaking out. As it turns out, they were only calm in situations that normally would have people in pieces from confusion. “Levi, there’s a little girl still inside,” they explained. “Very top floor, where the fire started.”  
He only nodded then shot off towards the uppermost window, where he assumed was the top apartment. He shielded his bare skin from the shattering glass by kicking through it and holding his forearms in front of his face. Once inside, he found he couldn’t breathe clearly without coughing up a lungful of smoke. “Shit,” he coughed out as he covered his mouth with the back of his hand.

Around him was fire eating away the furniture and wood floors of the room. He couldn’t see much else thanks to the dark black smoke and the wavering heat waves, but he sure felt like he was about to catch on fire himself. Even his lungs burned from the intake of what wasn’t air.

From somewhere in the room, he heard faint coughing. It was very soft and hard to locate, but he got the gist of it and went in that direction. The coughing continued, but also began to gradually get weaker and less persistent. That was worrying.

He had to move a fallen dresser to get to the girl. When he found her, she was crushed, passed out, and had a large, fresh, and fleshy burn from her waist to her neck and a few of the lesser degree of burns everywhere else.

It was hard to get her over his shoulder without touching anything he shouldn’t, but he managed, and he maneuvered back to the glowing window with little to no problems. Thank goodness. He didn’t escape without burns on his hands and arms, but his wounds were nothing compared to the girl’s.

He carried her down and handed her off to the paramedics. Her parent didn’t thank him. The man only turned towards his daughter and began frantically saying her name. “Marie,” was what it was apparently. He’d be sure to remember that on his list of lives he should’ve saved sooner.

Afterwards, Erwin confronted him in a less crowded area of the scene, away from the press and far from where he landed with the half dead child.

“You did good,” he said, giving Levi a heartfelt look of pride. At which Levi scoffed and turned away.

“I should’ve been here sooner,” was his response. He wasn’t putting up with this congratulatory bullshit today. No way in hell was he fucking getting praise for something so shitty. “This is right next to my territory. I could’ve saved her.”

Erwin let out a sad sigh, “You did save her.”

“You know what I mean,” he shot back angrily.

“She’s alive.”

“Hardly.”

Erwin tried not to seem frustrated. He very well knew there was no changing Levi’s mind when he was like this. It was like trying to convince a kid that their favorite cartoon character doesn’t exist... it doesn’t work. So he didn’t try and instead changed the subject. “You took your equipment home last night.”

“Didn’t have the time to drop it off,” he lied easily in return. The accusation was true, of course, but he knew very well that he was just too lazy to return them last night.

But he was caught in his lie, “Hange said that you switched with Night at your normal time. 9 o’clock gives you two hours to stop by.” Hange was the one of the two of them that wasn’t sneaky about work on a regular basis, so of course Erwin believed them over the other.

Levi only “pftd” at him, staying silent.

“You know that you’re not allowed to keep them, Levi.”

“What are you? My mom?”

Erwin ignored his childish behavior. “It’s part of the rules that was set out on day one.” Here we go again with the stupid rules. “I know it’s been a long while since then, but they still stand.”

“I’m not going to run off with my gear, no matter how tempting it might be.” Levi said with a bit of sass edging on his tone. “I’m not a fucking thief.” Not anymore.

“I wasn’t-”

“Cut the bullshit, Erwin,” Levi snarled towards him. He wasn’t in the mood for a lecture, and he definitely wasn’t going to deal with one, so he decided to remove himself from the situation entirely. “I’m going to my post.”

He flew off, feeling more comfortable now that he was in the air, and left Erwin behind to get frustrated about him bailing in the middle of a serious conversation. He cared very little that this would only make the words more stern later since a later him would be the one to deal with it.

He spent the next few hours flying around his territory, taking account of all the streets and back alleys while still getting to do what he loved. Lately, there had been a drop in crime around these parts of the city. For good reason, of course. He didn’t find anything important the whole while. No robberies, no old ladies getting their purse stolen, no teenagers chasing a stray pooch with cans tied to its tail, nothing.

He stopped for a break on the roof of an abandoned department store. He dusted off an edge of the building the best he could and then he sat down for the sake of his tired muscles.  While resting, he realized his gas tanks were on the brink of being empty and his hair was starting to stick in the back position. Both of these problems needed fixing, but he lacked the materials to do so. This resulted in him only lazing around.

It was only another ten minutes before he was interrupted by the incessant beeping that was his dumbass cellphone. A agitated scowl passed his features as he reached for the phone in his pocket. Upon answering it, he was able to hear Hange’s serious tone from the other side. That was never a good sign.

They spoke fast, not letting him get a word in, and informed him sadly of what Erwin had told them. Levi almost dropped his phone in surprise. After hearing only silence in return, they continued. “He didn’t want me to say anything to you, because you were apparently already worked up over it, but I knew you’d be even more upset if I didn’t so-” They trailed off.

Levi had to take a good, long, deep breath before he could speak again. “When did she go?” He was hardly able to keep the hurt from seeping into his voice, but he managed.

“About an hour ago,” Hange answered firmly. “Her father was torn to bits, but we’re all going to be invited to her funeral, according to him. He doesn’t blame you.”

Those last few words was what knocked harshly against the wall that protected Levi’s raw emotion. He could almost feel it wanting to shatter to bits under the pressure. “Tell him that I decline.” He wouldn’t be able to deal with that shit. Especially not when it came to a little girl. “And tell Erwin that I’m not a fucking brat. I can handle myself.” Even though he was right that this was going to shake him.

“Yes, sir,” Hange said. They took a moment to pause and let some things sink in before they added, “Just remember that earlier this week you saved that boy, Eren’s, life. You’re great at what you do, but you can’t save them all.”

“I know.”

“Then don’t beat yourself up about it,” Hange insisted to him. Their persistence was more annoying than helpful, really. “Speaking of Eren, for his sake, you better still be going to the meet. I’d understand if you don’t want to now, but I’m sure you wouldn’t be bored if you went.”

With that, the conversation ended thanks to Hange deciding he wasn’t allowed to refuse just yet. They hung up almost immediately after they finished speaking. He wasn’t sure what Eren had to do with the shitty picnic thing, but he didn’t really care at the moment.

Levi was glad he was sitting, otherwise he would’ve fell on his ass. With noone listening, his breaths became so fast that his head was spinning and he couldn’t see straight, but he refused to cry like a baby. He reminded himself that if he were attacked now, he wouldn’t make it in a state like this and that straightened him out very quickly. At least, he thought that.

He usually was insanely good at handling things like this. Today felt very different, though. It was truly his fault today. Sometimes he’d go to save people’s lives and he’d give it his all and he’d fail. It was a part of life and like Hange said, you can’t save everybody. This time he wasn’t on standby. He was sleeping comfortably in his bed which made him late and inevitably made the girl suffer longer.

And now she’s dead.

His flying was wavering a bit. He was controlling the grapples like an amatuer and he didn’t feel right in his own skin. He had to stop and take a break.

He somehow ended up on that roof, standing over the edge that he saw a boy leap from earlier that week. Eren was alive, he reminded himself. Levi had saved him and now he was living and even seemed to have a bit of a fire rekindling in his eyes. It was a very important thing to remind himself of right now.

Minutes passed and he continued to stare at the ground below. Suddenly, a soft voice brought him back from his thoughts. He turned and saw the same person he’s seen the past two times he was in this area. Eren.

“I always run into you up here,” Levi said once they made eye contact. He could tell from hearing his own voice that he wasn’t exactly ready to be talking to this kid “Why?”

“I don’t like being on the ground.”

Well isn’t that interesting.

The conversation that ensued was a treat. After accepting Eren’s offer of being acquaintances, they talked for almost an hour about practically nothing. He found out little about Eren other than that he liked video games and found himself realizing that the only reason he was having this conversation was because he saved this kid earlier.

It brightened up his day.

Not to mention that he spent a good while just standing around talking to a cute kid with amazing eyes. He wasn’t going to lie, Eren was maybe the most attractive person he’s met, but he wasn’t going to pursue the brat any more than what was wanted. The kid probably wasn’t even into old guys like him.

But, if Eren wanted him to stand around and talk for a while, he decided, why the fuck not? There’s hardly any cons to just do that.

He left when Eren had to leave for a phone call. By then, he was already supposed to be doing his rounds anyway. He flew off smoothly, but soon found his tanks were only sputtering gas. “Fuck,” he cursed under his breath.

He had to walk back to headquarters.

Though, the title “headquarters” made it sound like a very sophisticated place, but that wasn’t how his superhero gang worked. Hange was the one who picked the spot and Erwin decided to keep the design, as to blend in.

Essentially it was a shithole on the outside. A dank, abandoned building that originally looked like a dump on the inside, too. But Levi didn’t allow that. He cleaned it up nicely, but he wasn’t allowed to touch the outside of the house. Erwin’s orders. That fucking asshole. Because of this, the outside was made up of a building with little to no paint left and a lot of dead grass. To add on to the scenery was paper litter and plenty of old, rusty cans. Not to mention the surplus of broken beer bottles and old cigarette buds.

Levi sneered at this sight before he stepped in through the front.door.

“Good evening, Levi, sir,” said a familiar, cheery voice. He turned to the right to see the strawberry blonde receptionist that everyone relied on around here.

“Evening, Petra,” he replied plainly as he removed his boots and replaced them with a pair of shorter and more comfortable, inside boots. He walked over to her counter and let her scan his card.

Her chocolate brown eyes smiled along with her lips as she looked up at him. The poor girl had always had a crush on him. He didn’t have the heart to tell her he wasn’t a man who liked woman. “If you don’t mind me asking,” she said in that sweet tone she used around him. “why are you here so early?”

“Fill up,” was all he said before he slipped away from the entrance hall through the newly unlocked door. Past this door was a sparkly white room nicely decorated in soft grays and blacks. Being the front room of the house, it was where the resting area was, because there was plenty of waiting time on days when Oluo was late for switch and Levi couldn’t leave. It was much too early for switch, of course, and it wasn’t like he showed up for that much anymore since Oluo started taking the long route to work.

There was a metallic door on the far end of the right side of the room. It was probably the most used door in the building considering it led to the supply room. This was where gear was stored and part replacements. The thing it was used for most was the small, white gas tanks that gave the 3d maneuver gear motion and speed. It seemed Levi was the one to use it most, but he never was scolded for it, since he was also the best at keeping his streets in line.

Upon entering he found himself bumping into the most underappreciated fellow in the place: Hange’s secretary Moblit. He was usually the one who helped keep this place tidy when Levi wasn’t around, but the two of them never spoke. For instance, right now. Moblit was in a hurry for some reason or another and only said a rushed apology before running off. Hange probably had him doing something they deemed important.

The neat array of freshly filled gas tanks told Levi that this was what the guy was up to before he left. It was always nice to come into a neat storage area. Instead of messing with the clean room’s design, he filled his gas tanks himself and prepared himself for a few more boring hours of keeping watch before he had to call it a day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so slow...  
> But I'm glad there are folks reading this! Thank you everyone.


End file.
